Re:Zero Arc 4 Chapter 37 [The Initial Impulse To Kill]


Translator: TranslationChicken


Editor: TranslationChicken

(Thank you Aaron, Alex, Axl, Jeffry, Matthew, Roanz for helping me with proofreading and editing on the LiveDraft!! <3)



Previous Chapter:



 Chapter 37 [The Initial Impulse To Kill]


He heard a sound like the torrent of a rushing stream.
A furious sound of water. A foaming waterfall coursing downwards, pulled along by gravity and current.
Reverberating in his ears, or perhaps within his skull, the thunderous roar rumbled at Subaru’s brain as his consciousness was guided from loss into wakefulness.
He saw a light, and――

[Subaru: ――ah, khu]

Sensing something clogging his throat, the rhythm of Subaru’s breaths grew bewildered as he gagged for air.
Inhale, exhale, the regular intervals between his breaths turned vague. His oxygen-deprived body spasmed and shook, saliva drooled from his mouth as Subaru wrung open his eyes.

[Subaru: Khu, aghk!]

His face was pressed against the ground. Pushing himself off the surface and onto his elbows and knees, Subaru grasped his chest, panting, and tried to calm his aching lungs.
The pain fell away, and he spat out the saliva that had nowhere else to go. With his body settling as oxygen resaturated his brain, he took a breath. ――And began to remember.

[Subaru: uuUUAAH, AAAAAH!?]

Recalling the gaping hole that had been opened in his chest, he felt the sense of emptiness of all the contents of his body flooding out.
Quickly pressing his palm over his stomach, he confirmed the absence of the gap that was the source of that emptiness, and the tension of his body began to soften.
Tasting a numbing shock through his limbs, Subaru scraped his forehead against the ground as the friction and the abrasive pain affirmed the reality of his existence.

[Subaru: What was, that…… at the end……]

Face-down on the ground, blood draining from his body, the sensation of his soul being sucked out from that very same gap certainly existed. But that wasn’t the source of the sense of loss eroding at Subaru’s flesh. The true horror came afterwards, near the end, among the lingering embers of life being guided into death.
His consciousness was vague and his memories were blurred, but this alone he remembered clearly.
――Something, something unknown, was “Devouring” him.

[Subaru: C-cut down, beaten to death, frozen, falling to death, I’ve died all sorts of ways now…… b-but this is still the first time I’ve been ea…… eaten in the end……]

Recounting the conscious experience of what happened to his body in the end, Subaru was once more gripped by terror.
The direct cause of death was the loss of blood spilling from the gap, and he had no intentions of making light of “Death” itself, but he had nonetheless experienced first hand a fragment of the possibility that “Death” was not the end.
Who knew that the sensation of his body being eaten would be accompanied by such intense sense of loss? Subaru had lost fingers and legs before, but this sickening sensation was far beyond all of them――

[Subaru: fingers……!?]

Coming to that thought, Subaru suddenly wanted to kick himself for being so slow to remember.
Considering the unsurvivable wound he sustained and the unmistakable sensation of “Death”, there was no doubt that Return by Death had been activated. There was no entity in this world that had more profound knowledge of death than Natsuki Subaru. He died, and he returned, that much was certain.
What was not certain, was where on the timeline Subaru returned to.

If his restart point had been moved to an unsalvageable point in time, where would Subaru’s resolve and oaths lead him then――

[Subaru: ah……]

Scanning his bloodshot eyes over his surroundings, Subaru desperately tried to confirm the time and his current location. But what calmed this desperate panic was the sensation on his forehead while his fingers wiped the sweat off his brows. ――The three missing fingers on his right hand were definitely still there.

[Subaru: Fingers…… are still there, which means]

As if to make sure, he held up his right arm and ran his gaze from his fingers to his elbow. Fingers and wrist, all the way to the elbow, nothing was missing, nor were there any signs of scarring. The white scars left over from the disturbance of the Wolgarms were still there, but that’s a different story.
Having confirmed that his arm was fine, Subaru moved on to his shoulder and hip―― the spots where Elsa’s darts had dug into. Sensing no stiffness in his skin, Subaru almost collapsed from sheer relief, finally convinced that he had returned to a time before his encounter with Elsa.

[Subaru: Th…… then, for now…]

It was fortune in midst of misfortune that he wasn’t given anything worse than death.
Feeling relieved and drained, Subaru dropped his eyes and thanked his bad luck. And it was then when he turned his gaze to the side, and noticed.

――That in the corner of the dark room, there was Emilia, writhing in pain.

[Subaru: Emili……a]

Instantly rushing over to her side, Subaru realized that they were alone in a dark and musty vault. He had only one experience of being alone with her like this, so there was only one possible explanation. That is,

[Subaru: The restart point… hasn’t changed……!]

Inside the Tomb, directly after passing the Trial―― was where Subaru returned to after death. In exchange for nothing being gained, nothing was lost either. Time to try again.


※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※


――There must be something he could do to fix everything.

Having confirmed where he had returned to, the thought that passed through Subaru’s mind was so positive that it was hard to believe it could have come from a person who had just been trembling in his final moments.
It was now the second night after his arrival in the Sanctuary. With the information gained from the first loop and second loop, Subaru reorganized the circumstances and events in his mind as he set about searching for the solution.
By now, the bloody content was already nothing out of the ordinary. Whether it was the initial cluelessness, or becoming hopelessly stuck with no choice but to hug his own head, it was just the same thing all over again.

[Subaru: Although… the usual methods won’t be working this time]

No matter what, Subaru still wasn’t able to grasp the full story of this loop. And even against the clear and obvious threats, he couldn’t see any effective countermeasures.
Currently, there was no way to oppose the combat strength of the obvious threat, Elsa. With no exploitable weaknesses, the degree of danger she posed may have surpassed even Petelgeuse.
Countering her attack on the Mansion remained the foremost priority. However, it would seem the problems didn’t end there,

[Subaru: Last time, near the end…… why was the Sanctuary empty……?]

He couldn’t understand why Beatrice would transport him all the way to the Sanctuary, but the fact that everyone there had vanished was all the more incomprehensible. He recalled running all around, shouting, only to receive no reply in return.
And then, there was the final calamity which befell Subaru when he tried to seek the answers inside the Tomb.

With a hole opened in his chest, Subaru died without the slightest idea of what could have given him that wound. The memory of that still-vivid injury brought back nothing but pain and horror, without a single clue or answer.

Back there, what on earth happened in the Sanctuary? What happened to Subaru? What was Beatrice thinking? And Emilia――

[Subaru: ……impossible]

Coming to that point, suddenly struck by the contradiction between his thoughts and his behavior, Subaru’s face stiffened.

It was important to organize the situation. It was also important to set goals for the future and draw up plans to realize them. And it was a priority to collect the scattered information and shape them into something useful for obtaining that longed-for future, but,

[Subaru: ――――]

Did that give him an excuse to forget Emilia, currently struggling against a nightmare right in front of his eyes?

[Subaru: I-I…]

Emilia was still inside the Trial, tormented by agony. Her body and soul, assaulted by her past, being chipped away by the excruciating pain of the weight of the cross she had to bear.
Long lasting pain without the slightest consolation at its end.

Subaru knew: How much sorrow this was bringing her, how much it was wearing her down, and how much it was weakening her heart.
It was because he couldn’t bear to see her like this that he had resolved to complete the Trial in her place, to clear away all obstacles, and open the way for her to pass.

That was how it should have been, so why was Subaru so relieved to see her suffering?
“Thank god he returned to a point in time where she was suffering.” Despite knowing what will become of her pain, he had cruelly put his thoughts before her.

The moment he understood this, Subaru saw the hideous existence he had descended into.
Even knowing that the girl in front of his eyes, the person most important to him in this world, was gasping in unbearable agony, he was averting his eyes from her distress, fully absorbed in his self-centered foolishness.
To Subaru, such weakness was abhorrent and grotesque.

[Subaru: Either way……]

There was no time to be tormented by guilt and the contradictions of his heart. He must wake Emilia up right away, and bring her out of this place.
He could take the time to gather his thoughts once they’re outside. There was no reason to prolong her suffering. And――

[Subaru: Right now, there’s a guy I need to get some answers out of]

It was starting to piss him off how lenient he was before. How is it that all this time, he had allowed the central character at the core of everything to get away with his ambiguities?
The result was the tragedy that befell the Mansion, and his incomprehensible death at the Sanctuary.
If that was the future that came from Subaru’s cowardice, then――

[Subaru: I will do everything differently this time]

As these words rolled off of his tongue, Subaru reached out his hand to wake Emilia.
In that moment, not even Subaru himself was aware that his face was being contorted by unsuppressible fury.


※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※


[Subaru: ――Just how much do you know, Roswaal?]

That was the first thing that came out of Subaru’s mouth as he swung open the door. Lying on the bed, Roswaal narrowed his eyes. And Subaru, seeing himself reflected in those mismatched pupils, barged into the room and slammed the door shut behind him in a display of his present emotion.

――After finally calming Emilia and bringing her out of the Tomb, Subaru headed to Lewes’ house and put her to bed. There, he left Emilia in Ram’s care, and, so as to not waste the interval before she wakes again, he immediately set out for the building where Roswaal was recuperating.
Garfiel’s silent glare all that time he was in the house gave him cause for concern, but fortunately, Subaru didn’t encounter any resistance on the way and managed to get there without any problems.
However, the instant he took Roswaal into his sights, all that caution scattered like a mist.

[Roswaal: Fu~~mu]

Looking up at the restless Subaru, Roswaal let out a deep and meaningful sigh. And then, he held up a single finger and lightly wagged it in front of Subaru.

[Roswaal: M~~y you certainly seem much more a~~ngry than last I saw you. Tha~~t’s a good sign]

[Subaru: Don’t try to be funny. I’m not in the mood for pranks or jokes right now. I’m prepared to use force if I have to]

Snarling this at the carefree Roswaal, Subaru advanced to the side of the bed and pressed his palms onto the sheets. And, glaring down at the clown at extreme close-range,

[Subaru: I just came back from taking the Trial. ――And I have a mountain of things to ask you]

[Roswaal: ……Is that, so. You have taken the Trial. I see. I see. I~~ see~~]

Whereas in Subaru’s time, several days had already passed since the Trial where he bid farewell to his parents, in real time, it would only have been less than an hour ago. And, it was now the third time he had seen Roswaal’s inexplicable reactions to being told about the Trial.

The first time, there seemed to be a flash of violent emotion so brief it was as if it was never there. The second time, he appeared to have somewhat calmly accepted the fact. But even so, it was laced with a certain uncharacteristic tinge of melancholy.
And this third time, what was that reaction supposed to be? Personally, Subaru had hoped for a flash of anger like the first time, believing that if Roswaal could be incited into a rage, he might just let his mouth slip.
But, completely contrary to Subaru’s hopes, Roswaal’s lips instead curved into a smile,

[Roswaal: I~~n that case, allow me to ask you a question]

[Subaru: Huh? What are you talking about? You? Ask questions? ……If you keep playing around I’m going to seriously flip, you bastard]

[Roswaal: I can understand that you have re~~ason to be angry. And I am asking with that in mind. If we are of the same opinion…… I don’t see why you would decli~~ne to coo~~perate]

[Subaru: If I answer your question…… no, wait]

While Subaru was trying to press down his anger, Roswaal raised this proposal. For a moment, Subaru almost accepted. But he instantly severed that thought when he realized that accepting would have meant being swept along by the atmosphere created by Roswaal, just like all those times before.
Unless he made an effort to resist, the result will be just as miserable. So in order to change the outcome, he must change his behavior from this point onward.

[Subaru: I’m not answering your questions. I’m the one who has questions. I go first]

[Roswaal: ……Aya, bu~~t isn’t that aw~~fully rude?]

[Subaru: I’m not saying I won’t answer any questions, but I have the feeling we won’t get anywhere if I just go along with whatever you say. So let’s nip that in the bud first]

Seeing Subaru’s obstinate attitude, Roswaal closed a single eye and lightly sighed. Then, holding out both palms, he made an [A~~lright] gesture,

[Roswaal: Ask whatever you li~~ke. Indeed, it doesn’t always have to be me managing the pa~~ce of the conversation]

[Subaru: Even though it’s actually kinda creepy when you’re so reasonable…… well, no point getting hung up on that. So, question: ――What kind of contract have you sealed with Beatrice?]

[Roswaal: ――――]

Suddenly silent, it seemed as though Roswaal was caught off guard by that query.
Seeing his cheeks stiffen, albeit slightly, Subaru was convinced that he had struck a critical question.

The previous loop had brought about newly-discovered facts and unexplained events, and Subaru must set about finding the answers to these mysteries. Foremost among them―― were the questions surrounding Beatrice, and whether it was at the Sanctuary or the Mansion, the only person he could ask was Roswaal.
More than anything, their conversation at their parting and the Gospel in her hands were all burned into his mind, impossible to forget.

It was a question he must not take lightly. One which will decide how he will interact with that girl from now on.

――How he will face Beatrice at their unavoidable meeting in this loop.

[Subaru: Answer me, Roswaal. Don’t give me any of that “You won’t answer mine so I won’t answer yours” crap. Answer the question]

Growing impatient with Roswaal’s prolonged silence, Subaru repeated his demand for a response.
Asserting its presence within his chest was the frustration that was the manifestation of his desire to overturn that revolting sense of foreboding.
Every second of silence felt like minutes as he waited for the reply. Until, at last, Roswaal opened his mouth,

[Roswaal: ――The fact that you are asking this question here, does that mean you’ve remembered?]

But, instead of an answer as Subaru had hoped, Roswaal replied with a question of his own. Clicking his tongue in frustration at his attitude, [Shut up!], Subaru swung his arm in front of Roswaal,

[Subaru: Why are you replying with another question? Even if I take a hundred steps back and let you ask, you will answer mine first. I’m not giving up my turn]

[Roswaal: Is that so. Then, let’s proceed by taking turns. Your question was about “The contract between Beatrice and myself”, wa~~s it not? There is no contract sealed between Beatrice and myself. That is the answer]

[Subaru: Wh――!?]

Caught off guard by that sudden turn, Subaru found himself speechless. Reaching out a hand to Subaru, who had inadvertently lost his words, [No~~w], Roswaal went on,

[Roswaal: This time it’s your turn to answer m~~y question. ――Have you remembered?]

[Subaru: ……Remember, what. Just so you know, our relationship isn’t deep enough that we can communicate by telepathy here. Don’t go assuming I can put together your sentences without a subject]

[Roswaal: That reply, already gave me the answer to my question. ……Unfortunate]

Although Subaru had hoped to get some kind of revenge, it would seem he was no match for Roswaal after all. With a certain shade of sadness, Roswaal turned down his eyes, and,

[Roswaal: It seems, I didn’t make it]

[Subaru: ……what]

[Roswaal: It’s your turn to ask. Do be~~tter this time, and ask me a question I ca~~nnot dodge]

Covering over Subaru’s confounded voice, Roswaal’s self-awareness about his question dodging didn’t make it any less infuriating. Subaru took a deep breath to control his emotions, and pressed a finger to his temple and began to think,

[Subaru: You said you have no contractual relationship with Beatrice, right? Then, why is Beatrice living in your Mansion? I can’t understand what your relationship with Beatrice is supposed to be]

[Roswaal: That’s two questions now. You’ve been inquiring about Beatrice e~~ver since you got here, whe~re does that leave Emilia-sama? Or, could it be that you prefer those who look like young children?]

[Subaru: I’m not attracted to little kids and I have no intention of going the romantic conquest route with her. But I do intend to shake up the status quo a bit, so I’ll be choosing her route in that sense]

It was true, that whenever he thought about Beatrice, Subaru would feel a certain aching in his heart.
But this was different from the aching he’d feel when he thought of Emilia or Rem, and Subaru quite couldn’t understand what it meant.
Except, even after seeing the Gospel in Beatrice’s hands, he still felt this.

――And he didn’t want to believe that the relationship between him and Beatrice was just something counterfeit written in some strange book.

[Subaru: That’s why I need to find out more about her. And it seems the only person who’s deeply associated with her is you. So I can only ask you]

[Roswaal: You try to collect everything that ca~~tches your eye, but it will only become an obstacle when the time comes to choose what is truly impo~~rtant. Such naivete only hinders you from seeing the thing that is most important to your heart, I thi~nk]

[Subaru: I realize my hands are already full. So now I’m just trying to grab her with my mouth. Got a problem with that?]

[Roswaal: How could I po~~ssibly? Although I get the feeling you are just saying that for appearances sake, there is nothing wrong with that. ――In fact, I do wonder how you will answer when the time comes]

Acknowledging Subaru’s words, Roswaal’s voice trailed to an indiscernible whisper towards the end. Subaru’s gaze sharpened at those words, and, receiving that gaze, Roswaal continued, [In tha~~t case],

[Roswaal: The reason why Beatrice resides in the Mansion, wa~~s it? She resides in my Mansion due to her ties with the House of Mathers. If you must know, it was by the favor of the head of the House of Mathers many generations ago that she became the Keeper of the Forbidden Library. It has been so through the generations, and remains the same, now it that had passed to me]

[Subaru: Employed as its Keeper? ……Then, how is that any different from a contract?]

[Roswaal: The questioning format seems to be a bit different from what we’ve agreed? ……We~~ll, no matter. There i~~s already little meaning in asking any more questions from my side. You are already aware of Beatrice’s identity as a spirit, I assu~~me?]

Subaru nodded in affirmation to Roswaal’s question. Although he never actually got to see Beatrice’s spirit-form, her self proclamation and her intimidating presence both confirmed this fact.
Seeing Subaru’s nod, Roswaal lifted up a finger,

[Roswaal: To spirits, a contract with a human carries tremendous significance. The relationship between Emilia-sama and the Great Spirit-sama is exa~ctly that]

[Subaru: ……Yeah, Emilia’s been struggling with all the annoying conditions too. But the Great Spirit-sama hasn’t been showing his face lately, has he]

Having been killed by Puck three times, and after their clash of perspectives over the sleeping Rem, there was an insurmountable gap between them. And since he mysteriously went into hiding before that gap could be resolved, Subaru’s feelings towards that little cat was still rather hard to define.

[Roswaal: The Great Spirit-sama’s whims aside, Beatrice is no exception. That child and I are in a cooperating rela~~tionship, to a certain extent. But it is nothing more than a sort of mutual noninterference while our interests are aligned. It would be unlikely for her to help me achie~~ve my goals, and the same is true vice versa]

[Subaru: I can see how you can appear to be on good terms with Beako while actually being indifferent, but that has nothing to do with the terms of her contract]

[Roswaal: Ooh my, you must excuse me. But contractual relationships are something else entirely. Beatrice, being a spirit, takes contracts extremely seriously. To speak to her on the topic of contracts would be a different, and quite la~~rger, issue. After all, that child is still bound by a contract from four hundred years ago]

Picking up something he could not let slide, Subaru suddenly leaned himself up to Roswaal shouting [That’s it!]

[Subaru: That contract from four hundred years ago, I want to know the details]

[Roswaal: Spirits’ mouths don’t open so easily when it comes to the contents of their co~ntracts. No involved parties from that time could possibly still remain, so unless Beatrice herself speaks, there is no one else who knows of the co~~ntents of her contract]

[Subaru: Damn it, that’s useless! If I could just find out what’s in that contract……]

Then he would know why that girl was hiding herself in a room all alone, wouldn’t he?

[Roswaal: However, there is one thing worth mentioning]

[Subaru: ――?]

[Roswaal: Since Beatrice is bound by the contract from four hundred years ago, to seal any new contract which overlaps with the original would be impo~~ssible. So, if you wish to bring her out of that place, then you must find a way to break the exi~sting contract]

[Subaru: Break….. the contract?]

[Roswaal: Fulfilling it, would a~lso work. But since there is good chance that the other party to the contract is already gone, bre~~aking the contract would be the smarter course, don’t you thi~~nk?]

It was nothing short of miraculous that Roswaal would be offering constructive opinions for a change. Initially caught off guard by his words, Subaru’s expression abruptly changed as though a veil was suddenly lifted from his eyes,

[Subaru: ――When did I ever say I wanted to bring Beatrice outside?]

Subaru, saying this quietly, fixed sharpened eyes on Roswaal, mere inches away.
Placing his hands on the bed, his fingers began knocking on the sheets like the second-hand of a clock. Dropping his gaze to look at this gesture, Roswaal closed a single eye, before reflecting Subaru within his sole yellow pupil,

[Roswaal: You really―― are a man who likes to notice things people do~~n’t want you to notice]

[Subaru: What do you……]

[Roswaal: Either way, this time is already me~~aningless to me. Perhaps, we should e~nd this conversation here?]

[Subaru: Are―― are you fucking kidding me!?]

Different from before, within Roswaal’s eyes, there emerged a color of disappointment. With that strange expression, Roswaal spilled out a sigh from a face seemingly drained of all liveliness.

[Roswaal: No matter what you say now, it could no longer move me…… so you may do whate~ver you like]

[Subaru: You’ve got to be joking!? This is important…… we are getting to something important and you start acting like that!? There are still things I need to ask you……]

[Roswaal: If you wish to ask, you are fre~e to ask. But whether I answer them seriously or not, would depend comple~~tely on whether I feel like it]

The more agitated Subaru became, the more deprived of the tremors of emotion Roswaal seemed to become. In front of Subaru, whose face had turned red with rage, Roswaal merely combed his fingers through his deep blue hair, and tilted his head,

[Roswaal: You have, no more qu~estions?]

[Subaru: ――Tch. Alright, I know that Beatrice is bound by a contract and is living inside the Mansion. We can leave the details for now. There’s something else I want to ask. About that black book she has…… I want you to tell me what that is]

[Roswaal: E~~hh, you saw it? Any thoughts? What do you thi~nk it is?]

[Subaru: Don’t reply with another question. ――But I think it’s… something similar… to the books the Witch Cultists have, or, at least, I’m guessing]

Subaru’s stuttered reply was like a plea for the words to be refuted. But, hearing this, Roswaal showed an expression as if he couldn’t hold back a yawn,

[Roswaal: The Gospels in the Witch Cultists’ possession are mediums of the Witch’s will, and describe the path leading to their owners’ desired future. We~ll, aside from vague directions, they are rather labor-intensive to follow as far as prophetic books go]

[Subaru: ――! You know?]

[Roswaal: There is no need to be too~ surprised. There are Witch Cultists here as well, considering this is a facility belonging to a Witch different from the Witch they worship. Being the manager of the Sanctuary, it wasn’t just once or twice that I’ve had to exchange blows with the li~kes of them]

[Subaru: Th-then, they can really see the future……?]

If they could see the future without dying, that would be an ability far more powerful than Subaru’s Return by Death. It was not that he was jealous of such an ability, but if all the members of the Witch Cult were equipped with this overpowered item, that would be nothing to scoff at.
But, seeing Subaru’s shudder, Roswaal shook his head,

[Roswaal: It’s not that convenient of an item. First of all, the number of entries themselves vary from Cultist to Cultist. The contents are vague and subject to interpretation. More importantly, no one except the owner of the Gospel can read it. To anyone else, its contents will only appear to be indecipherable nonsense. And so, they are only incomplete maps of the future]

[Subaru: Incomplete……]

Subaru couldn’t hide his relief to hear this. But then again, if the Gospels were truly prophetic books with the power to describe the future, Subaru would never have been able to win against Petelgeuse. In that sense, it’s obvious that even the Sin Archbishops’ Gospels couldn’t have reached that level. However,

[Subaru: That’d be a completely different topic. Then, what about Beatrice’s book……]

[Roswaal: If you’re asking whether it is the same as the ones in the Witch Cultists’ possession, then the answer is that it is, and it isn’t]

[Subaru: Stop playing around! This is important!]

[Roswaal: I am doing no~~ such thing. Although what Beatrice has is a Gospel, it is of a different origin from the Witch Cultists’. For the Witch Cultists’ Gospels are incomplete, whereas the one belonging to Beatrice is complete]

[Subaru: Complete……?]

[Roswaal: Yes, it is complete. Unlike the defective items that fluctuate between uncertain futures, wavering in their recorded contents]

Seeing Subaru confused, Roswaal’s face only brightened.
His expression and tone were as if he was basking in pride. Subaru didn’t know what to say in front of this sudden transformation, but what made him lose his words in the truest sense of the phrase, was what came afterwards,

[Subaru: ――!?]

Roswaal reached behind with his right hand and produced a book with black binding.
There was no mistaking it at such a close distance that it was, without a doubt, a Gospel.

[Roswaal: This is one of the only two complete Gospels in existence. Myself, and Beatrice, are the only two people who possess one…… tha~t is]

[Subaru: ――――]

Before Subaru’s eyes, Roswaal waved the book left and right in his hand. However, Subaru had no mental capacity to care about such gestures now.
The fact that Roswaal was holding a Gospel same as the ones in the hands of the Witch Cult was indeed shocking. The fact that the one in Beatrice’s hand was also a Gospel, and the fact that the words she said to him at their parting were confirmed, was also shocking.
――But they were not what dominated Subaru’s mind in that moment,

[Subaru: That’s…… a Gospel that records the future?]

[Roswaal: Wi~~thout a doubt. This is the genuine Gospel]

[Subaru: You know…… the future? Right now, everything that is happening now… is in that book……?]

[Roswaal: It i~s written. Although you won’t be able to read it]

Who cares about that.
At this moment, whether Subaru could read it is irrelevant. There was only one significance. Only one single thing he had to ask. That is,

[Subaru: The future, what will happen…… is written… in that book?]

[Roswaal: It doesn’t describe the enti~rety of the world, but it does reveal a portion of the owner’s fu~ture]

[Subaru: That things will become the way they are now…… you knew that beforehand?]

[Roswaal: It took quite a lot of effort to produce the same situ~ation as described, you know? I was rather hoping for a little praise for all my efforts behind the sce~nes]

Subaru could not stop his voice from trembling.
At the source of that trembling, was the seeping of some violent emotion. Just what that emotion was, and at whom it was directed, was immediately obvious―― that is,

[Subaru: If you knew… everything that was going to happen……]

[Roswaal: ――Fuumu]

[Subaru: ――You, knowingly left Rem to die?]



[Roswaal: Rem, who~ would you be refe~rring to?]




In that instant, uncontrollable rage propelled Subaru’s body to move.
Flying forward onto the bed, his hands clenched tight onto the bedridden Roswaal’s neck. With unnatural strength never seen before, Subaru’s grip dug into the slender neck, carving an expression of agony onto the clown’s blue and white face.


If he knew, if he already knew, if he could have prevented the tragedies―― and what happened to Rem from ever happening―


Consumed by overflowing fury, he blew out his regrets, and all his impulses were directed to the intent to kill this man before his eyes. His actions forgot all reason as emotions and love transmuted into force.
And, just like this, unable to utter a sound, Roswaal silently waited for Subaru’s hands to snap his neck――



Sensing a solid, sharp tactile sensation striking him from the side, Subaru felt the right half of his face destroyed as he was sent flying into the air.
His body slammed into an immovable wall, and fell head first onto the ground. His thoughts went blank at the sudden blow, and his body couldn’t move at all.
Blood flowed from his ear and nose, and the right side of his vision was dyed absolute black. His eye may have been completely crushed.

[???: ――Ever since y’came outta the Tomb yer stench’s shot up. Didn’t believe it so I thought I’d watch ya, but AIN’T THIS ‘XACTLY AS I THOUGHT!?]

Footsteps. The uncouth sound crept up to his side. His body would not even permit him to crawl. Immobile, front and back, Subaru’s head was pulled up,

[Garfiel: Reekin’ o’ the stench of the Witch, the fuck y’think yer doin’? Should I ask yer body? Oy? This place still needs that bastard. The fuck’re ya try’n ta pull, YEAH!?]

A blond youth. Garfiel. Or something. Assailed by that voice full of fury and murder, Subaru’s consciousness grew distant.
Half his head, though there was no way to confirm it, seemed to have been crushed. He’ll die, probably. If he died like this, that’d be about the most pathetic way to go.

If he Returned by Death while clinging onto this sordid thought, would he really still have the desire to save this place?

[Subaru: I don’t, know……Rem]

With the end of that final syllable, Subaru’s consciousness descended into darkness.


-=Chapter 37 End=-


Next Chapter:


It’s 4:40am so might be a bit too tired to write a proper message. 

I just want to say that, when there is a choice, I prefer to only share the uplifting things, and not the things that sometimes make me feel down. 

Re:Zero is one of those uplifting things, and I am so fortunate to have you guys reading it with me. 

I don’t think I’ll ever stop, so you won’t have to worry ❤

My plan for August is to gradually shorten the time between chapters from 7 days to 6 and then 5 to find a balanced schedule where I won’t be burning out. A heads up is that I will need to finish up one final course to graduate (which I’ve been putting off for a while), so there might be a week next month where I’ll need some time for self-studying.

If you see any missing words please let me know! Everyone who was helping me edit went to bed >_<


Chapter 38 Live Draft:


Next Chapter:

143 thoughts on “Re:Zero Arc 4 Chapter 37 [The Initial Impulse To Kill]

Add yours

    1. there are 2 possible things, something that has happened in the past, or roswaal has a vague idea of subaru’s ability, return by death

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There were speculations about Subaru having a past he doesn’t remember of. And it being the reason he was summoned and given his ability. Then again, we can’t be sure Subaru didn’t have this ability even before summoning.

        I’d personally be disappointed if that’s true and he’s been ‘special’, ‘chosen one’ all long.


      2. Roswaal definitely has some idea about Subaru’s ability. After all Subaru’s actions would cause the contents of his book to change.


      3. Does he know of RBD? Or just that Subaru is able to survive ordeals? Ros didn’t know Rem, and he clearly doesn’t know what Subaru went through, or he would be very careful with his words.
        I suppose his book holds only instructions, like: “Do this and this, make sure this happens, if this, then do this …PROFIT!”
        Poor clown was sure ‘he didn’t make it’, since something he expected did not happen. So out of spite he alienated Subaru, and made probably the worst enemy in the world. I almost pity him.


    2. Remember how Ram said Echinda and Subaru suddenly remembered her??? I think it’s referring to that, Roswell DOES have a GOSEPLE after all and SHE IS A WITCH


  1. Seeing the notification for a new translation never fails to brighten my day 😀 Thanks!

    Also, just a minor error here:
    There, he left Emilia in Ram(‘s) care

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was one hell of a way to start my morning! There is so much to think about between these last 2(3?) returns…
    Ps School is important chicken, we are in for the long haul, so if things take longer then oh well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Don’t they go blank when the person’s goal is no longer possible? So Beako’s might go blank when Subaru makes a wrong choice, then comes back in the next loop till his next error. I’d expect Roswaal’s would be the same though if their goals aren’t completely lined up they may not go blank at the same time.


  3. Geez, I kinda hope he did die this time so he can come straight back out and start questioning Roswall again and get a bit further. Don’t want another of those Subaru running around mutilated but healed things to happen again for a while.


  4. Woah woah woah so does this mean suburu had his mind wiped by an arch bisop possibly has been fed a fake past and is actually from this world possibllyyy im grabbin at straws here though


    1. No but if he has a gospel he knows how to change his personality to fit his situation. He’s got that two faced nature as implied by his eye colors. Maybe he’s vanity *shrug*.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There was that idea that first mathers transfers his soul to next generation, plus that sudden change in his attitude was just so suspicious


  5. hoped to see roswals reaction to subarus half dead beating, but i guess he is some psycho anyway, letting subaru to do this. whats more subaru is a damn idiot for jumping to conclusions (that roswal knows anything everywhere) i mean rem and cruch were ambushed far from roswal + rem doesnt seem to be important for roswal so maybe rem isnt even mentioned in the book when the bishops attacked her


    1. Nah rem is close to roswaal, Remember when she got killed he was super pissed and was trying to kill subaru?
      Though it would be weird for it to mention something far far away and the fact that she was erased probably means it stopped mentioning her after that point. Then it erased all entries up to that point when she was erased. That would explain a lot i guess.


      1. Actually Roswaal didn’t care about Rem… You’ll see in what I mean when the loop after this
        one is ended.


  6. No spoiler!

    But the part about Subaru not remembering something was already explained in past chapters. It’s just very subtle and hard to notice. I suggest you to reread the chapters.
    Help: Subaru did not forget, he is forbidden to remember that something.


    1. Think youre refering to the tea party with Echidna right? I dont think thats it tbh, i think it has a deeper meaning. What i think, and thats not confirmed or anything but: 1. Why did he get summoned into this world? 2. Satella is in love with him. 3. He has ties to Pride. 4. He was able to write in the Gospel of Beutelguise and lay him to rest. I think Subaru is a reacarnation of someone who was alive 400 years ago, who had a deep connection with Satella. Something along those lines, i think thats what rooswall meant with his question. And is also somehow one of the reasons why Betty is so attached to him.


      1. I think you are right Mitschiro. I think the person above was referring to the tea party with Echidna and Subaru does remember that, but that was not what Roswaal was referring to. Your theory about reincarnation is interesting. It is very possible Subaru is either a reincarnation or just someone that look remarkably similar to someone Satella loved. Emilia is someone who looks like Satella but she is not a reincarnation. I believe Satella is the one who dragged Subaru into the world just because every time Subaru dies, he sees Satella and smells like her so it appears her magic is what revives him. We’ve also seen Betty use dimensional magic which is probably part of the dark magic and the bishop sloth transfer his soul to other bodies. It would be interesting if at the end of everything Satella transfer herself to Emilia who looks like Satella and Subaru either remembers his past self or gets his soul taken over by Satella’s old love and they end up together.


    2. Wait but didn’t he remember that already? There was a point back then where the memories flooded back to him and I just assumed he kept them even with RBD cause he talks about going back to the tomb to talk with Echidona. Or is this not what you meant >.<


  7. what if all of these events are only in Subaru’s head? maybe he got into an accident while coming out of the convenience store, got into a coma and is now dreaming about these things?


    1. First Puck froze Subaru to death infront of the door where witch cultist were frozen ,too.
      Second where Subaru went to the mansion after Rem was killed by Petelgeuse, getting his head cut off.
      Third after Emilia died ( because Subaru talked about ”Return by Death” ) he was teleported away by Beatrice, then he confronted Petelgeuse again and Puck showed up, transforming to his original form. Subaru died by freeze again while laughing at himself.


  8. Wow!! This is more interesting as I thought it would be and WHAT Roswaal has a gospel as well too soo thats why heheeeps telling himself about his goal in life because pf that GODDAMM Gospel and he knew that only can fulfill his goal is Subaru because of his Return by Death and now I understand why Roswaal has an intension on Subaru and BTW THANK YOU SO MUCH Chicken-sama and the Rest of the group who help you do the translation GOOD JOB TO YOU GUYS and SUBARASHI I wish I could help you guys in the translation but I’m too busy in College too much homework and I only read this translation as a breaktime and Arigato guys keep up the GOOD WORK AS ALWAYS XD.


  9. I think everyone has agreed for awhile now that Roswell is a slimy snake with some twisted agenda. Now the proof just gets worse. I’m wondering not only why they both have a “complete” gospel and how they got them. I also found it strange how Roswell seemed to not mind Subaru killing him. Its crazy how for every 2 answers you get to something its just replaced with 10 more. Thanks for the hard work as usual ; )


  10. We will know it the next chapter and the QUESTIONED IS? Who is behind who eats Subaru thats the Big Question and later about Roswaals intensions.


  11. Everyone who was helping me edit went to bed >_<

    Sorry Chicken, I had been awake for 4 hours prior and my brain wasn't functioning correctly so early in the morning, for once


    1. she isnt dead and she isnt in coma, her existence is just “eaten”, like a shell without anything inside, or doll. she still has a body so the author probably still giving her a chance 🙂


  12. Damn I just knew he was gonna die as soon as he started to choke roswall but he died so quick after his return didn’t even last a day lol


  13. Great work. This is an amazing job. before finding this blog I used to use the page translate function from google chrome. Now that I compare both they are very similar, but the chrome option is just a big mess in terms of text template.


  14. Thanks for the amazing work you put in! ❤ Gosh, Roswall is such a sneaky person, I love her for her intellect and tricky personality (Correct pronoun UwU). Poor Subara, having to deal with death so much. This story only keeps getting better!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thanks for the chapter chicken! Each new chapter raises so many questions. What is betty’s contract and how to break it? What is Subaru not remembering? Why does betty and roswaal has the only two completed gospels? Why does Roswaal act differently every loop? I want Subaru to complete the trials and ask echidna the questions. Everything seems to be connected to Satella.


  16. I might be a bad human, since I enjoy the times Subaru snaps into violent uncontrollable rage. And the fact he was raging over Rem’s death makes it even sweeter. Emilia died too in previous loops of arc 3. Why is it Rem’s death that put him on edge?

    Or is “Who is Rem” his official Berserk Button now?


  17. Hi!

    How can I help you with editing? I don’t know Japanese, but I have a lot of experience editing and revising Eglish works, mostly from college papers but also helping with translations.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Wow… Those were so many revelations in 1 chapter…So many answers revealed and yet the mystery just keeps on getting deeper and deeper, and more wider and confusing. I so love this!~ ❤
    I was all wide-eyes surprised O.O when I read those revelations during Subaru and Roswaal's talk.

    I really did not expect Roswaal to be so open about those kinds of topics/secrets. And that disappointed reaction he got when he said about Subaru having remembered something or not and that Subaru taking Beako out from the Library, just really piques my interest!

    Hmm… Right now the ideas that kept revolving around my head and is keeping me from sleeping are:
    1. I think that it's either Subaru was just a normal boy who was randomly dragged into another world and got the Return by Death cursed placed onto him or because he looks like Satella's lover who perished in ancient history, causing the half-elf witch to rampage across the lands – destroying everything and everyone who she came upon, all because of her lover's death.. Saw and brought him to the other world.


    2. Subaru really did come from the alternate/another world. Was Satella's lover. Died. Was reincarnated to our normal world but with that curse already. And when the proper time arrived, the curse would teleport him back to the magic-fantasy world. But he is not allowed to remember his past life there..

    Ahh dangit, I can't sleep thanks to these ideas I have.. Anyway, thank you for the great chapter, Chicken. It was really full of surprises and thickens the plot by a lot, ahah. And beat that final course of yours! Haha you can do it Chicken!
    Also, sorry for the long post..


    1. well so why he was reincarnated and after 400 years she teleports him and moreover, she can revive him everytime. why didnt she do it 400 years ago when he died then (or some time ago idk)


  19. I was trying to find Re:Zero light novel on the internet and I found this site here

    Did you know this site takes your translations and put them in theirs ? I really don’t think you do .

    I mean , they couldn’t make it more obvious . As soon as I saw that they released in arc 4 chapter 37 I checked to see where you are translating right now . After I confirmed that you are on the same I checked the way the translate the chapters and they make the same number of parts as you . Also they put the translation of arc 6 the same time as you . Lastly I gave them one last chance and checked the last release and they didn’t even edit the notes you leave in the end , about you going to bed .


    1. Really ? And how did Subaru died there ? What did he say about Rosswall leaving Rem .

      Plz don’t tell me he just yelled and Garfied killed him for that . It seems much worse in my mind than the way the WN did it .


  20. Let us not be jerks who would spoil even a tiny bit… Just so you could have the upper hand in a conversation, you’re just showing off, dumbass :’0

    Poor chiken-sama


  21. Greetings from germany!
    I’ll say now what hundreds of People said before me…
    I’m finally at thes latest chapter!
    I just wanted to thank you so very very much, for doing all this work for us, your community!


  22. Translation checking you truly are amazing, i thought when re:zero anime ended it was the end of the 45 minutes of weakly rest from life itself with this great anime/light novel but every chapter you translate brings it back every time. thank you so much for everything you are truly amazing

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I searched the site a bit and it only when i press Re:Zero related things it just doesn’t show anything .
        Other series like akame ga kill and stuff has the pictures of the novels and files to click on .

        Do i search it wrong or did they take the Re:Zero related stuff down ?


  23. is anyone going to the mf bunko festival ? I heard the voice actors will be there and season 2 will discussed but I can’t read their website.


    1. If anyone can translate their website I would gladly appreciate it and also thanks for the awesome translations holychicken.


  24. That was amazing best chapter so far
    Why did roswaal show his gospel to Subaru coz I remember in an earlier chapter when he was with ram that he wanted to keep that a secret or something?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In the Light novel Roswaal didn’t show it until the second to last loop where he also brutalized Subaru for kicks.


  25. Hello from Norway! I love your work and I am incredibly grateful the translation of my favorite franchise. I hope you won’t burn yourself out, take care!


  26. Just… why? Why in every chapter that happens we’re just left with more queries than answers, even the Gospel explanation isn’t wnough to explain anything and I have way more questions now…. just WHYYYY??? xD

    Great job as always!


  27. Lets translate chicken Let’s go “clap clap”
    Lets translate chicken Let’s go “clap clap”

    Just came from tryna google translate the Web novel almost got a stroke reading the translation😂 it was bad af


  28. I think the reason rozchi let rem “die” was because he knew that she could be saved later (me beings hopefully) maby the act of saving rem is necessary for his plan. I have been rereading the last 5 chapters in over and over. Can’t wait for chicken sama to bless us with the next one.


    1. some ppl read the synopsis in google, its like a very summarized story of the novel till arc 6, and now they just wanna keep on going from arc 6, even when their understanding of the story is very limited. and some ppl just love to go to the end of the book and read what happens coz they got no power to read all of it 😀
      so depends what kind of a person u are, i would recommend not to read it


      1. By power do you want to say ”able to read Japanese ” because you do know that arc 5 and arc 6 are not released in English right .

        And how do you know that people , like me , have a limited knowledge of the story by reading spoilers ? In wiki there is also some paragraphs for the characters ( main or side characters ) that fill some gaps you might have .

        What you miss for reading the synopsis is the way the author describes these scenes which might add some wight to them and the interactions between some characters .
        But all those things are not mandatory for you to understand and be able to read arc 6 .

        So no . There are people who search these stuff because they are curious about what will happen in the story and are able to read the releases when they are released ( since chicken translates them ) and others that don’t have or want to spend time with this story and will rather wait 2 years to read it .


      2. by power i mean the ability to restrain from reading the synopsis and wait for the releases of either the LN or chicken, ppl who reads Japanese wont even need to come to a translation site, except ppl who want to translate ofc. and i read some of the synopsis, yes u will understand the general concept of the story, and thats why i told him that it depends what kind of a person he is. for example i will tell u LOTR is about a guy who walks to drop a ring to lava, this is summarized and u got the full story so easily and its actually very accurate.
        or watching a movie instead of reading the book, some ppl love all the story and some ppl fine with half of it – summarized but yet understandable (i guess all the ppl are like that and the difference is in what story they prefer to cut to the chase)


      3. Let me rephrase the example .
        It is like seeing the first 2 movies of LOTR , knowing all the characters that will play a roll in the 3rd movie that you are most interested to see , but because for some reason ( can’t find a good reason as ”it is made in Japanese so you will have to wait” ) you are not able by any means to see the story in the 3rd movie up to the guy throwing the ring in the lava . So instead of seeing the actors and overall the way the movie shows these obstacles they found in their way you read a detail synopsis of every scene in the movie , minus the ones about some side characters like the goblins/trolls/monsters that guard the volcano , AND THEN after carefully seeing all of this you go and see Frodo throw the ring in the volcano .

        So the way I see it is this( copy paste from my previous commend )
        There are people who search these stuff because they are curious about what will happen in the story and are able to read the releases when they are released ( since chicken translates them ) and others that don’t have or want to spend time with this story and will rather wait 2 years to read it .


  29. I’ve been reading every chapter but couldn’t thank you enough chicken, like translating re zero is uplifting thing in your life, for me reading it is the same, Cheer up and remember we are always with you ❤ :3

    Liked by 1 person

  30. sorry if this isnt the right place, but is translationchicken patreon down for anyone else? It keeps telling me the site is on maintenance


  31. You know what I was thinking, it doesn’t really relate to this chapter, but I was thinking that Subaru could use his Return By Death ability as a weapon, remember that episode when Subaru tried to tell Emilia about his power but she ended up dying, well couldn’t he do that to like Elsa (was that her name?) or something and get her killed


    1. thought about it too… no idea why he doesnt do it. maybe its like a gamble and he doesnt know if he will be the 1 dying or the other person


  32. Well It depends on the witch (aka Satella) who was going to kill of Subaru say that he can Return by Death and kill that person but Who knows!


  33. Only the Author knows what will happen and it depends on the author what scenario will gonna happen but who knows when it gonna happen it depends on the authors mind.


  34. This light novel is way too addictive, I can’t wait for the next chapters !! Really, thanks a lot for the translation


  35. Yes I did want rem to die at that moment I really wanted her to die but I don’t anymore because she’s awesome now and the biggest reason Subaru hasn’t given up


  36. Yooo if Subaru somehow ‘broke’ Beatrice’s contract and she made a new one with him… that’d be siiiick. People said he had a sensitivity to spirits or whatever, and he feels some sort of connection to her… then he’d have some strength to back him up, as well as a complete gospel so he’d be a duo-duo – a spirit duo with emilia-tan and an accomplice/gospel duo with Roswaal-chi.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. It’s raining cats and Gospels apparently. God lord. As soon as some info was given by Frederica, we were smashed by far too many questions in these 4 last chapters.
    I’d like so much to continue but I have to go to bed, grrr.
    Thank you for the translations.


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