Re:Zero Arc 4 Chapter 18 [Parent And Child] (Part 2/4)


Translator: TranslationChicken


Editor: TranslationChicken


Previous Part 1/4:


{He’s that guy’s child, after all}

They were the magical words which the young Subaru once embraced with pride, and once would have injected Subaru’s heart full of vitality.
Since when, he did not know, they had turned into a curse.

[Subaru: Just going outside, wandering around town, it’ll be obvious. No matter where I go, where I look, I’d find lingering traces dad left behind……it’s only natural, I guess]

Subaru’s small and narrow world was precisely the same as the view from on top of his father’s back.
To Subaru, who aspired to reach the same heights as his father, no matter where he is, no matter where he looked in that narrow world, there was not a single place where he could not sense his father’s lingering scents.

Gradually, for Subaru, the world turned into a terrifying place.
At the same time, eating away at Subaru’s heart, was the painful self-awareness that he was only ordinary, and the sense of shame that made him want to hide that ordinariness from his parents and anyone who knew them.

Loved by everyone, relied upon by everyone, smiled at by everyone.
Yet that same Natsuki Kenichi’s son, Natsuki Subaru, was shriveling up squeamishly under everyone’s gazes, a sickly coward hugging his own head frightened by the vastness of the world, he could not bear to be thought of this way.

His own shortcomings must be nothing less than a humiliation for his father who proclaimed to love him, and perhaps, at some point, even that towering father would grow disappointed in him. That, above all, was what terrified Subaru the most.

In elementary and in middle school, Subaru single-mindedly made an effort to avoid drawing any attention to himself.
The classmates who had known him since the lower grades couldn’t wrap their heads around how docile Subaru had become――the children, at their impressionable age, failed to notice even a fragment of the darkness residing in their classmate’s heart, and as they each went about their lively days, they soon forgot about such trivial things.
Meanwhile, as he spent this time burying himself in anonymity, as he worked to cast off the shadows of his past, at home, Subaru skillfully continued to play the part of the unruly child.

At school almost as meek as a weed in the shade, as soon as he was home he would return to the wildness of his youth like he was a completely different person.
Coming home from school, with various accounts of his feats of heroism, he would soften the corners of his mother’s lips in midst of her housework, and put a smile on his father’s face when he returned exhausted from his work.

――All of these, had his parent noticed that they were lies? Even now, Subaru couldn’t be certain.

This way, throughout elementary and middle school, he spent the greater part of his life on painting and fortifying these lies, and constructing the fictional character of Natsuki Subaru.
Everyone had forgotten the various mischiefs of Subaru’s past, and knew him merely as an inconspicuous classmate whom they barely knew anything about beyond his name.
On top of the tinge of loneliness that accompanied this barren relationship with his peers, covering over Subaru heart was an even more intimate sense of dread. For to bear the surname, Natsuki, was to be constantly in awe of a certain force.

[Subaru: Now that I think about it, it really was a dark way to live. But doing this, I passed through elementary and middle school. Then putting that behind me, I became a high school student…..even though it’s a local school, probably because of the adjusted standard deviation score, almost none of my classmates got into the same one…..]

Having gotten into the habit of thinking only of retreating, with the sudden, drastic change of environment Subaru seized at his opportunity to move forward, and assembled together every fragment of courage that still remained in him.
Wrenching out the last bit of that courage, Subaru clenched his teeth and held up his head.

Advancing into the brand new environment of high school. Building unknown relationships with unfamiliar faces.
There, even if they judged him as Natsuki Subaru, no one would see him as “Natsuki Kenichi’s son”. In fact, in that place――he might even see the light of that starry sky he had lost, once more.

But the way he used that courage, decisively threw Subaru stumbling off that path.

[Subaru: Even I have to admit, that was one magnificent failure of a high school debut. But of course it was. You have a guy who hadn’t built any interpersonal relationships all throughout elementary and middle school, thrown into a place full of faces he doesn’t know, breathing roughly through his nose unable to shake off his tension……even an idiot could see how that’d turn out]

Unable to see something even an idiot could see, thinking about it now, Subaru realized he must have been even worse than an idiot.

Without going into too much detail, the result was already easy to imagine.
In terms of building interpersonal relationships, Subaru had no other role model except his father, so when the time came to build new relationships in an entirely new environment, his only frame of reference was his father.
――But the kind of jokes that might get him a smile or two while they were still children, when used on classmates in the middle of the psychological changes of the latter stages of puberty, became nothing short of toxic.

[Subaru: Poisonously toxic. Deadly toxic. I was like the kind of poisonous mushrooms with the little red and white dots on it, the ones that have “Highly toxic, you’ll die horribly if you eat it” written all over it kind of guy]

How is a guy like that supposed to fit in anywhere.
Setting out into a brand new environment, Subaru lost his footing on the very first step and fell straight to the bottom of the pit. Then, spending his time alone, becoming firmly established as that awkward, socially dense guy who can’t read the mood, he suddenly thought one morning,

――Ah, I don’t want to go to school today.

[Subaru: I remember that morning both mom and dad were out of the house. It felt like too much of a bother to get out of bed, so I slept way past the time when I should have gotten up…..and when I finally rushed myself out of bed, panicking, it was already noon, but when I was about get up and change]

Subaru noticed his heart, and his body, were awfully calm.
At school, while sitting alone in a seat by the window, pretending to be asleep, silently letting the time drift by, Subaru’s heart had always been tormented by anxiety and fear.
Not wanting to be in this place, from the moment he set foot in school he would start thinking about going back home. No, even from the moment he woke up, he would start spending his time thinking about when he’d finally return from school.

It was not that he was bullied. It was not that he was being shunned.
Only, Subaru himself had constructed a wall. He was afraid of embracing the hope of touching another’s kindness. And the thought of perhaps seeing the light of those stars again, filled him with unease.

If only he could pass a day without having to endure the agony of those hours. That sense of liberation, that sense of relief, drawn by the allure of that sense of powerlessness, little by little, Subaru’s steps drifted further and further away from school.

[Subaru: Skipping once a week became once every three days, then it’s just every other day…..until I stopped going altogether, even two months in a row]

There is no need to talk about the days that came after that.
No longer going to school, Subaru’s heart was filled with a sense of relief. It was a sense of liberation at being far away from the school where he had been forced to spend those agonizing hours, and, above all, now ruling over Subaru’s heart was a kind of acceptance, and surrender.

For no great reason, he had become the conceited, self-satisfied drop-out, Subaru.
Looking at this Subaru, no one would be thinking “He’s that guy’s child, after all” anymore, and above all――how disappointed his parents must be to see such a pathetic Subaru. Surely, then, even mom and dad would give up on “Loving” that Subaru.

If a son they had no love for was being considered trash, it probably wouldn’t mean anything to them.
But if a son they loved was being labeled as worthless, those two would surely feel angry. And saddened, too. If people saw them like that, they would pity them, even look down on them.
It would be better if Subaru had simply faded out of their lives.

Therefore, Natsuki Subaru――

[Subaru: “I don’t love you.” “I disown you.” “You are not……my son.” I wished, you’d just say that to me, and throw me away. I wished, you’d give up on me]

Half-expecting to see the stars that could no longer exist, faintly hoping, he gazed up at the sky.
The effeminate, pathetic Subaru, the stupid creature that did not deserve to be Natsuki Kenichi’s son, only wished to be set free.

――Even Subaru himself had not realized that this was the true content of his heart.

Facing his heart, exposing its interiors, for the first time, Subaru saw the ugliness of his own heart. The thought of himself, stupid and weak, unwilling to admit his faults and averting his eyes, then trying to push it all onto someone else to clean up his mess, it made him want to vomit.
Yet, in the end, the reason Subaru did not abandon himself, was because he was lent a hand by someone who would not abandon him.

{Rem, loves Subaru-kun}

Overlapping with the silver outlines in the back of his eyelids, was now an ethereal pale-blue radiance.
Like a soothing wind it blew into Subaru’s heart, sending a consoling warmth through Subaru’s frozen limbs.

{Let us start from here. From square one……no, from Zero!}

When Subaru was supposed to have come to an end, the girl, saying this, gave his back a push.
When Subaru could no longer go on, she lifted up his face, took his hand, wrapped her arm around his back, and gave his forehead a kiss, and bestowed him with courage.

Charmed forth by the silver radiance granting him heat, and pushed from behind him by the sky-blue warmth prompting him to walk forward, Natsuki Subaru, whose story was supposed to have come to an end, once again started off from Zero.
Because he realized this, because he remembered this, because he had decided to march forth from Zero――before Zero, he must now resolve the Minus of his past.

Next Part 3+4/4:


Rem T_T


I’m off to bed now! I have work this afternoon!

I’ll be combining Part 3+4 this time since I really don’t want to split up this scene and dilute the impact. It’ll most likely be released Friday night, March 3rd!


Next Part 3+4/4:

93 thoughts on “Re:Zero Arc 4 Chapter 18 [Parent And Child] (Part 2/4)

Add yours

  1. In that paragraph above the one in which he wished to be disowned shouldn’t it be “look down on them” instead of “look down them”?


  2. When i see rem’s photo my heart skiya beat it’s been a while I really missed that blue haired angle , this chapter is the best , thanks 🙏 chicken sama


  3. I’m starting to realize that Subaru is not the only one taking this trial because were taking it along with him I think. I got all misty eyed at the end when Rem was brought up and what she did for him. T.T All though I find it interesting how this confertation with his “darker side” was started when he remembered Emilia and how he wanted to better himself to win her heart and earn the love Rem gave Subaru. Another great translation oh Holy Chicken ; ) your AMAZING!


  4. Rem T~T (but i’m still on Emilia-tan faction lol)
    This story, i could totally relate myself to it. It just like watching Watamote all over again, dammit haha.
    But anyway, now i get the feeling that maybe, just maybe, Satella purpose of summoning Subaru to the Another World is to ‘set him free’? Maybe she did it so Subaru can start from Zero, and overcoming all his pain and weakness which torment him everyday in the original world!
    Ohh and thank you for a great release as always Chicken-sama!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. hooo, looks like my favorite lines are gonna come up in the next release. i cant stop smiling while reading this chapter even though ive already read it before, them feels haha
    thanks tappei sama! thanks nugget sama (that was fast)!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’d like to know what you think, which parts sounded awkward? I’ll go back and smooth it out and watch out for similar problems next time.
      Send me some sentences or chunks and I’ll look into it :3


  6. This is the first comment I’ve posted though I’ve been here since the beginning! I absolutely love you, chicken. This gives me satisfaction after watching the anime twice now XD. keep up the amazing work, not many people would take the time like you would for this. All in all, thanks for being so dope and doing this!!

    (I can’t wait to see how he gets past this). *Team Rem* (Pl0x Rem come back)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m still waiting for him to end up choosing Rem at the end of this. Even though Emilia is the main love interest, I don’t think Subaru will end up being with her. It may just be me but that’s what I believe.

    Also, this part was damn good. Probably my favourite since chapter 1 part 4.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My heartstrings were already being tugged at when I saw the picture of Rem before reading this story, I hope she comes back soon! Re:Zero really is incomplete without her 😦
    On a side note, Thank you Chicken sama for your endless dedication into these translations, you and your team are the only reason I’m able to read this far into the light novel 🙂 I really appreciate it!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ok Chicken, i’ll try to list them below, but i only have time to skim through it, i’m sorry.

    “Injected Subaru’s heart with full of vitality” – the correct expression is ‘to inject sth with sth’
    “From when” – this is used incorrectly, i’d use ‘since when’ cause it refers to a point in time
    “Look down them” – the correct expression is ‘to look down on sb’

    In a nutshell, i recommend you to look the expressions up before using them in translation 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey jacu, thanks for finding them! It’ll help me a lot if you let me know whenever you find something like it. I’ll fix them right away!
      Those were actually unintentional typos when I edit and rearrange the sentence structures. I try to get rid of them during proofreading but some get overlooked. I’ll start using Grammarly to check the releases and hopefully fix these before release next time!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Part 1, hit me good regarding my young life and regrets.. Part 2, hit me hard on the feels of how pathetic I’am…And then the Rem part just opened the flood gates T_T

    Thanks for the updates Chicken-God. Thank you.


  11. The moment when Rem’s name was mentioned…
    My heart was racing and my soul heated me up inside
    Thank you so much TranslationChicken


  12. I always wondering why Subaru doesn’t seem like he cares to go back to his own world.

    Now I know, I can relate and understand. Those feelings Subaru has, eats away any social relationship he has and started to affect his attitude and life.

    And now, he has,

    Emilia who pulls him forward, and Rem who pushes him forward.

    Good Luck Subaru!


  13. Hey Chicken-sama , I have like a week or two since I discovered this treasure and i want to thank you and everyone who helps you out to spread such wonderful translation for one of the best WN.
    Fares from Tunisia cheering for you, keep up the good work and thank you for all those happy moments you gave us.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. “a sickly coward hugging his own head frightened by the vastness of the world”
    i can totally understand Subaru 😦
    anywayyyyy. Rem!!!! hope she comes back!!


    1. This is a part of the test.. Beside the point, he (the MC (Subaru)) wouldn’t have even met Rem or Emilia-tan at this time period.


  15. hey chicken. ive been following you since a couple month now and i rlly do appreciate your hard work.
    where did you learn japanese? or are you from japan? im rlly courious 😀


  16. Thanks TC and your helpers for the good reads! I finally caught up and am loving this arc. Can’t wait for next part \(^o^)/


  17. I only just got into this series a few days ago but I already love it so much. It kills me to have watched the whole show, then read it all to have to wait. Thank you for your work, you’re the best

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Sorry to say but my side here is already 6March like im not trying to be mean or anything but i legit hoped it was sooner but like im not complaning after your hard work and all but like just saying :/

    Liked by 1 person

  19. This is definitely an awesome read. Can’t wait to read another chapter!!!
    Everything is lining up. I though Subaru’s feelings were only superficial or, better, they derived from a single situation he found himself into… and then, THIS. His situation is much more rooted in depth, much more difficult and the new people he found, Rem in particular, really reset his way of getting through life. I felt terrific emotions and hope for people like him.
    There is always a way of getting over or through things, you just have to be demon-possessed. ❤
    Thanks for the work, Chicken-sama!


  20. “Not wanting to be in this place, from the moment he set foot in school he would start thinking about going back home. No, even from the moment he woke up, he would start spending his time thinking about when he’d finally return from school.” THESE LINES ARE 100% RELATABLE TO MY DARK PAST. RATHER THIS WHOLE CHAPTER EXCLUDING REM’S PART IS RELATABLE TO MY PAST. I WAS LITERALLY CRYING WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER (SOB) 😢

    Liked by 1 person

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